I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
