is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
