it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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