A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
