How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
