The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
