Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
