OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
