My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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