Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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