My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
