My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
