I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
