THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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