Well douche your snatch and let's go!
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
