I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Randomize
