i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
