I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
