i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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