At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
