I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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