u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize