No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
