I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I just sharted jello shots
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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