New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
