Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
