Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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