I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
