what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
