We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
