She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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