yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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