i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
