dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish you could order shots online.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
