I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
