I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
