Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
