Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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