evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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