You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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