just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
