nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
