I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
