So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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