Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
