Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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