hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
