I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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