It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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