Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
