Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
