this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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