I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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