After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
