i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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