Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
