I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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