i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
