Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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