i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
