so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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