I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
