So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
