Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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