its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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