what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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