garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
