so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
