mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
