Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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