Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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