I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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