i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize