jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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