i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
