somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
