Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
