idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
