I wish I only lived at night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
