That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
