I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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