Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize