ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
