those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
