I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
