i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize