im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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