How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can text with my tongue
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
