mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
