We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
