some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
