We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
