He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
