If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
