I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize