I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
