Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will pee on everything he values.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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