dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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