If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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