i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize