I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
