and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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