Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
