All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
