you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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