just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
