I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
