ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize